Awake and Alive

I'm feeling better. I think the cool weather and visiting friends has helped. Everything is getting done on my list and so I feel quite prepared for this baby. Still not prepared to give birth, but I don't think I'll ever really be ready for THAT. I'm still loving having her wiggle inside my big tummy. Her little arms and legs dance across my belly and at this point she just seems so REAL. I can't wait to meet her but at the same time I mourn the end of my pregnancy journey.

I wonder if she will be a night owl. I've been up at 3/4am almost every night this week. Tonight I'm SO awake that I'm typing this at 5am. Could have something to do with the naps I've been able to take every day. I am tired however...just can't fall back asleep and I don't want to wake hubby up. I think when he gets up in another half an hour for work I'll head back to bed until the children awake.

That is it for now. This week marks 39 weeks....and counting.

I'm...O.K

I'm an emotional basket case. Yes everything is just fine.
What if I have this baby and my emotions don't go away? What if I'm just a crazy person in general and I will no longer have an excuse?? Will my friends still love me? Will they want to hang around with me? Will my husband still be in love with me? Or am I destined to be the crazy lady everyone tolerates, pats on the head and whispers about when I'm not looking.

At this point I'm not too sure about the answer.

Ready or Not

As much as I'm ready for this baby I'm so not ready.
Man I'm an emotional basket case these days.
Yes worse than normal ;)

I am up, down and all around.

I am ready, but not ready and I'm driving MYSELF crazy.

I get a few things crossed off the list, look around and then add something else. It is just never ending and I hate it. Want to buy/do something for me for this baby?? Come over and clean my house, cook the family supper and clean up. oh, or Paint something, organize something or cart something away to Goodwill for me. Seriously. Please. I look forward to sucking up the spiders around here about as much as I'm looking forward to the actual birth, and if you read this blog you KNOW I REALLY don't want to do that.

My friends are all telling me how great I look. How I am 'All Belly'. I feel all belly that is for sure, but I know all too well what will happen when I have her. I get to come back to reality and be reminded that I am certainly NOT all belly and that I will have to WORK HARD to get back into my normal clothes.

I'm o.k with the working hard at working out thing. Hence the proud to be a fit mom blog. I guess it just seems like A LOT of work that I really don't want to start right now. Good thing I don't have to RIGHT NOW I suppose eh? Good thing I get to stay in my pregnancy bubble for a while and for 6 weeks postpartum. O.K so I just won't think about that. I just keep plugging away at my to do list while trying to remember that I already have 3 children that need me to laugh and play with them.

Can't take it anymore

O.K I'm ready. The heat is getting to me. I concede defeat and wave the white flag. I officially hate the humidity.
And my friends officially have admitted that I'm lacking my filter. AKA.....I'm kinda bitchy.
I'll admit it. I called it a while ago. I knew people would not want to be around me in the month of August ;)

Oh well. I would say I care but I really don't.

Why not get air conditioning? Because I'm stubborn. So there. Besides....This heat can't last FOREVER. Can it???

37 Weeks

Wow. 37 weeks today and 'full term'. Since I'm always overdue really I could have another 4-5 weeks to go so I won't anticipate baby's arrival anytime soon.

I am however emotional today. The emotions of knowing this journey will soon be over are a little overwhelming. I've enjoyed every minute of this pregnancy, held on tight, loved every kick and squirm. As much as I can't wait to meet her I don't want it to end. I am not ready to feel that 'empty' feeling a week or two after she is born. I don't want to have to care about my weight again and I'm scared to be responsible for yet another little life. Another tiny perfect little life that will count on me for everything. Look up to me and seek the answers from me. How will I do this and still nurture the other 3 enough?

I know it will all come together and sooner than later I won't be able to picture my life any other way. But today....Today I'm not ready. I need more time. I have a feeling I'll regret saying that come my due date and the days that follow ;)

Ready for Baby!!!

I'm slowly getting ready for this baby to arrive. In fact, I think if she were to be born tomorrow I would have everything prepared.
The infant car seat is installed and the bags are packed. I have the newborn pj's washed and ready to go and purchased the newborn diapers.

Getting things ready has been a huge help in helping me get over my anxiety about her arrival. I can still say that I REALLY REALLY REALLY don't want to give birth, but I think wanting to see her soon is helping me get ready to do this pushing thing.

Washing and folding the newborn stuff my sister in law bought me was A LOT of fun. You forget how tiny they are!!! To see them all neatly folded in the drawer and waiting her arrival is fun. I remember doing this with all 3 of the other kids. I can especially remember sitting in their rooms and picturing them in the crib and feeling like that special day would NEVER come. But it does, and it will very shortly.
This being my fourth child I've allowed myself to purchase items that I want for them. Things like these organic baby items. The more children I have the more informed I become and I want to give her the best start possible, and my way to do that is to purchase some lovely organic and/or hand made items. It is also a treat to buy the things that I've seen after having the other 3 and wishing I knew about it then.

She will be sleeping in this beautiful cradle lent by my friend Suzin in our room for a few months. The girls of course could not resist placing a baby in it to keep it warm for her.

Here is my cute basket of cloth diapers waiting to caress her little tush. For the first few days/weeks I do use disposable. It saves me a little work since they seem to poop 10 times a day for the first bit. What's up with that black sticky poop anyway?? ewwww. I have to admit that I can't wait for breast milk poop again. Soooooooo much less stinky and yucky.

See? Bag is packed and ready to go. rice and lavender heat wrap and fuzzy slippers included.

Since I have YET to be early in delivery, I can expect that everything will stay as is for 4 weeks yet.

Today that seems like a very...very....very...very long time.

Just more time to fold and unfold the baby clothes and picture what she looks like. I guess that is not so bad.

The heat is on....

The summer heat is on....and I'm hot. The kids and I are spending every afternoon in my mother's pool. I have a GREAT shot of me jumping in but for some reason I can't upload it.
As much as I'm disliking the fact that I'm hot ESPECIALLY at night, I'm loving the excuse to do nothing but swim everyday.
It feels like vacation. If it was winter and we were down South we would be doing to same thing and loving it just as much!!

I think I'm finally ready for Audrey though. Sleeping at night is sooooooooooo sweaty and uncomfortable. Of course I'm not sure if having a newborn in this heat would be much fun either. So never mind. I'll wait. Hard to believe that I'm less than 4 weeks away. Of course since I usually go overdue and the baby could still wait till 42 weeks and be considered term, I guess I have a while to go!!

Oh well. More time to grow and get ready for the baby...and more time to spend in a bikini and not care what I look like ;)

Not Complaining.Not me. No siree.

The heat and humidity are out with full vengeance today. This is actually normal for our summers. I have not been complaining about the unseasonable cool summer for a reason.
Today however I'm going to do my best NOT to complain.

I'm just going to carry on down my to do list and go float in my mothers pool. Sounds like a plan to me. One thing I'm NOT looking forward to is the girls soccer game tonight. However, it IS the last one of the year (minus the tournament Sat), and this will be the FIRST hot soccer night. So really...how can I complain? Besides...I've handled worse in my life. I've been in the field for weeks at a time in the scorching heat and filth with the military. I've biked seven hours to a beach by myself and suffered second degree burns. I've given birth 3 times.

So...today I'm not going to complain. Not even about my aching hip and shoulder from my fall the other day. Nope. Not about cooking,cleaning,my kids, the chickens, my life...nope. not me.

Have a good one... Since I'm not complaining today I seem to be at a loss for words ;)

Big Landings

I got out of the bath last night and quickly...too quickly dried myself off, wrapped my towel around me and went to go kiss the girls goodnight.
Apparently my feet were wet and walking on the hardwood made it a little slippery.

On my Butt I slipped and hard. I landed mostly on my left shoulder hand and hip but WOW am I sore this morning. I should count my blessings as it could have been MUCH worse.

The pregnancy weight made for a much harder fall, and a very loud THUD when I hit the floor. Poor Adam. At least he came running to my rescue. Good Man.

I think I'm getting ready to finally be able to say that I'm finished with the pregnancy. My heartburn is getting pretty bad and I'm sore. I also have the basics washed and folded, the car seat is clean and in the van, and I'm finished reading my birthing book. So perhaps in two weeks I will be REALLY ready to meet her.

The comfortable part of pregnancy is ending and I'm not sure if I want to endure 4/5 more weeks of this.

Wicked, Wicked, WICKED leg cramps last night.
Man I hate that.
Torture.

Midwife and Hospital Visit

Had a great night sleep last night. I blew up the air mattress and put it in the spare room. This way I can play with the firmness of the mattress and allow my hips to sink in. I should have done this weeks ago.
I felt like a fat Caterpillar in a cocoon between the mattress and ALL the pillows surrounding me.

Also had my midwife appointment today. I get to see her every week now until the end. I really like her. I've been able to tell her exactly how I am feeling, my fears and what I think I will need/want during the birth. I know from doing it three times before that I can't 'plan' too much as all 3 births were different. BUT... there are some things I know I want and will need and she seems to be able to accommodate me.

Adam and I also visited the maternity ward at the hospital. Unless this birth goes SUPER fast I'm pretty sure I want to deliver in the hospital with the midwife. The rooms look clean, each room has a jacuzzi tub, and I get to remain there on FORCED REST for two days. I know that being there alone with the baby will force me to just sit, rest, eat, and not worry at all about what needs to be done at home. In fact I CAN'T WAIT!! Besides...I can always come home early if I choose to.

Hard to believe the day will arrive so soon. I usually get dates in my head and this time I'm thinking the 11th-14th of September. We will have to see if I'm right.

I don't really look that great ;)

Thanks for all your wonderful comments about how great I look. I guess I'm really good at hiding it in pictures.

Notice you always see my profile and my arms are back? I took a class from Paris Hilton about how to show off your best features (not really).

You see, I really have gained over 30 pounds and most of it is in my umm rear end! And NO you are NEVER going to get a shot of THAT!!! It is just that my belly is now soooooooo big that it makes the rest of me look smaller.

Should I be bold enough and show you a full frontal view??? Nope. I would rather live in illusion that I'm still tiny as well ;)

6 weeks after I deliver this little girl and I begin to exercise again I WILL be posting a picture of me in my pre pregnancy jeans....and BELIEVE me, you WILL then see the difference. I did it after I delivered Peyton and it worked well as a motivator.

Whatever. No big deal. Thanks for the ego boost till then. I love living in dreamy land. As a matter of fact I was once again at my mom's pool feeling oh so skinny and lovely, and I think I'm going to go eat some more yummy cookies.

Almost 35 weeks and Getting HUGE!!!

So here you are. What I look like in my bathing suit!! oh ha ha hah ha !!! kinda inappropriate I suppose but I love it! I am so free and could not care less about how big the rest of me is.

There is really no guessing if I'm pregos or not is there ;)


Tomorrow we see the midwife and then head to the hospital to see what the rooms are like!! I'm very excited. Apparently there are jet tubs. Although I will have a midwife with me every step of the way at this point the 'plan' is to deliver at the hospital. Want to know the real reason why??

Because when you deliver in the hospital you get two days by yourself with your baby. They bring you your meals, take them away, and you don't have to clean up at all!! I want the 'vacation' from our house. This way I will be able to completely focus on me, the baby and sleep. Not chickens, kids, or feeling guilty that I'm laying in bed. I did that with my last two babies and LOVED it!

Anyway, here is another picture my mom took of me today

I'll take pictures for fun tomorrow.

Oh What a Feeling!!!!!!

Have I mentioned that I LOVE being pregnant in the summer? O.K THIS summer? This not too hot and humid but my mom has a pool anyway summer?? And no it is not because of all the amazing dresses and skirts I have to wear. (but that certainly is one reason).

I LOVE the fact that I get to walk around the yard in an itsy bitsy bikini and not feel self conscious AT ALL!!!! Such a nice feeling. So carefree and comfortable. The closest thing? A four year old running naked around the pool because she does could not care less.

I should post a picture. No not of my four year old...of my huge belly in my bikini. It really is quite funny. Hey man, I have under 6 weeks to enjoy this and I'm determined to do just that.

Yup. I love being pregnant. Especially in the summer.