After writing the previous post, I found THIS POST tucked away in my blog from December 2008.
It brings tears to my eyes because in 6 days, after a knee injury and another pregnancy, I am about to do it....
Here is the post:
My friend Cathy has just given birth to her SIXTH child. She is on a Journey to find herself again. This is reflected in her new blog Titled just that....Finding Cathy.
This has been a long fall. My husband has been away training and I've been taking care of my three kids and a farm (which is all new to me). I'm loving life and I'm getting through BUT I've come to the realization that I've also lost myself.
Part is the fact that I just turned 30 and yes I'll admit that I'm not taking it very well.
The other part is that I have not gone for a run for over a month. That is huge as that is one thing that makes me...me.
I've just been caught up in surviving these last few months and I've HAD to deny myself on so many levels just to cope.
This is reflected not only in my lack of coffee dates but unfortunately my lack of showering and make up lately. hmmm.
I know that something is amiss when I pick up my running room magazine and start to cry when I read the titles "my first marathon" and "living my dream"...I seriously cried on the toilet.
So...why was I crying?
I think a part of me felt that sense of longing. The feeling that all runners get that we just NEED to get out and run. Also, I felt a sense of disappointment that I won't accomplish my life goal of running a marathon. I felt it in the pit of my stomach.
The ONLY thing I want to stop that is if I become pregnant again. Right now that goal just seems SO UNATTAINABLE...and IMPOSSIBLE.
So what am I going to do?
be angry and resentful?
I AM GOING TO setup a PLAN AND DO IT. I am going to find the marathon, set a plan in place. Because I'm worth it.
I am still alive and I am still a person with goals and dreams and desires...and I will do this.....I will do this for myself, and in turn for my family.
January will be the start. Adam will be finished all of his training and we will settle into somewhat more 'normalcy' around here...if that is ever possible :)