I manage a country homestead and the lives of my 4 babies ages 10,8,5 and 3. I LOVE TO RUN and NEED to keep healthy and fit for my SANITY!! Seriously....All problems are solved when I am running.

Making MY health a priority allows me to be the mother and wife that I need to be for them.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

REMEMBERING ALYSON

My friend Cathy has just given birth to her SIXTH child. She is on a Journey to find herself again. This is reflected in her new blog Titled just that....Finding Cathy.

This has been a long fall. My husband has been away training and I've been taking care of my three kids and a farm (which is all new to me). I'm loving life and I'm getting through BUT I've come to the realization that I've also lost myself.

Part is the fact that I just turned 30 and yes I'll admit that I'm not taking it very well.
The other part is that I have not gone for a run for over a month. That is huge as that is one thing that makes me...me.
I've just been caught up in surviving these last few months and I've HAD to deny myself on so many levels just to cope.
This is reflected not only in my lack of coffee dates but unfortunately my lack of showering and make up lately. hmmm.

I know that something is amiss when I pick up my running room magazine and start to cry when I read the titles "my first marathon" and "living my dream"...I seriously cried on the toilet.

So...why was I crying?

I think a part of me felt that sense of longing. The feeling that all runners get that we just NEED to get out and run. Also, I felt a sense of disappointment that I won't accomplish my life goal of running a marathon. I felt it in the pit of my stomach.

The ONLY thing I want to stop that is if I become pregnant again. Right now that goal just seems SO UNATTAINABLE...and IMPOSSIBLE.

So what am I going to do?

Sulk?
complain?
Cry?
be angry and resentful?

NOPE.

I AM GOING TO setup a PLAN AND DO IT. I am going to find the marathon, set a plan in place. Because I'm worth it.

I am still alive and I am still a person with goals and dreams and desires...and I will do this.....I will do this for myself, and in turn for my family.

January will be the start. Adam will be finished all of his training and we will settle into somewhat more 'normalcy' around here...if that is ever possible :)

3 comments:

Cathy said...

Alyson! I will be here to cheer you on! You have planned for a super goal!

Running a marathon is on my list for before I turn 40...that gives me 4 years. I cannot wait to see how yours turns out! You will be motivating me that is for sure.

I am glad you will have some time to do more for yourself in January. Surviving is OK for awhile, but really LIVING is so much better!!

I am sure you will enjoy your 30's. I remember turning 30 and thinking wow...I feel so 'old' but you know it has been great...40? well not too sure about that lol. It just takes time!

I cry when I read titles like that, and I cry when I see goals being reached like when I watch the Biggest Loser etc. Darn these hormones!! I thinks tears are cleansing, and they show how passionate one is about certain topics too!

Alyson! I wish you all of the best, and I will continue to follow you on your journey! You can do it!!

Bess said...

Oh Alyson! You CAN do it, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise! Man, if I had the money to buy you a treadmill (heck, buy myself one, too) I would do it! Just like Cathy, I will be here to cheer you on. I'm pregnant with our second (due in July), so maybe I can live my running dreams through you for the next 7 months or so. A marathon is my dream, too...but I know I have to hold off a bit.
So, make that plan, and stick to it as much as you can...and pray, pray, pray! :)

Bess said...

Oh Alyson! You CAN do it, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise! Man, if I had the money to buy you a treadmill (heck, buy myself one, too) I would do it! Just like Cathy, I will be here to cheer you on. I'm pregnant with our second (due in July), so maybe I can live my running dreams through you for the next 7 months or so. A marathon is my dream, too...but I know I have to hold off a bit.
So, make that plan, and stick to it as much as you can...and pray, pray, pray! :)