Fitness is more than just physical fitness. Fitness for me certainly also involves my mind body and soul. I can look great on the outside but if I'm rotting inside my outside appearance matters very little. Sometimes when I'm having a bad day I can look in the mirror and see the sadness. I see the disappointment, the exhaustion and the grief.
My body is back into my size 4 jeans. I can walk into my closet and put together an outfit without worrying if I 'look fat'. The frustration of pulling on a pair of pants and seeing a muffin top or wondering how much I'll spill over when I sit down is just not there anymore. I've said it before that being smaller is freeing. I don't stand in the mirror and admire my body. I just don't stand in the mirror anymore. My body is now a NON ISSUE and that is a nice place to be. Don't get me wrong,I've talked about skinny chicks not necessarily looking great naked. I'm not talking about what I look like naked because that is another issue ;). I'm just talking about body image and appearance.
My point is that to most of the world I look alright. I can put on my skinny jeans, do my hair and put on makeup and appear like I've got it together.
But on the inside I have a disease that is rotting me from the inside out and I have been hiding it for a very very long time. This past year has been painful and fighting it has taken everything out of me and I just don't have anything left. There only a VERY few close to me that know the story. That know what I struggle with on a daily basis. I am getting closer to sharing the truth with the world but for right now you need to be content with my baby steps.
I've been trying to fight it but I am at the point where I need to make some serious life changes in order to continue on. I NEED to become well again. I'm not sure exactly what I need to do in order to achieve this, but I think being honest is the first step.