Down a Few

O.K, so I really WAS BLOATED!! Yay! I am only 138...not 143. That makes me feel better.

To answer your question/comments....

I only weigh myself once every 2 weeks to keep track and put it in my baby log...
The midwives scale is the same as mine....
I'm not dieting...just trying to eat the best I can and deal with the weight gain...
I know what it is like to be chubby...and remember all the crappy feelings that come with it...and don't want to feel like that ever again. I know I'll lose the weight, but I also HATE having to lose weight at all!! When I'm healthy and at a good weight, my weight is NOT EVEN AN ISSUE. I never have to wake up in the morning and 'feel fat', or try on everything in my closet until I don't 'look fat'. This is why I work out....this is why I'm Proud to BE a Fit Mom. I don't like it being an issue, and can't wait for it to not be again.....make sense??

Anyway....moving on.

Today I spent the morning transplanting bushes and trees from my In-laws to our property.
I'm tired.
My belly hurts.
I'll be on my butt on the comfy couch the rest of the day.
I need to remember my limits.

Balance...Balance is my mantra Today. and remembering to wear my belly band next time as well ;)

It's all my fault

I had an appointment with the Midwife yesterday.
I love my Midwife.
I KNOW that when it comes time for the birth, that she will know me and what I need, and be there for exactly what I need when the time comes.

So I had a great visit....Except for one part.

I stepped on the scale.

It said 143....HUH?????

When I weighed myself 2 weeks ago the scale said 135!!!

4 pounds every week for the past two weeks?

Oh I really hope it was because I'm bloated and retaining water or something. I hope it is because I've been eating a ton of salt lately, and that in a few days it will go back down.

Why??

Because that means at the half way mark I've already gained 23 pounds!!

Not good.

Not good, because come August I'm not going to be able to move. Not good because come August I'm going to DREAD anyone seeing my bloated face and fat arse. Not good because come September I'm going to have THAT MUCH MORE TO LOSE.

Have I ever mentioned that I HATE to diet???

I HATE the feeling of having tight clothes and pulling my shirts away from my belly when I sit. At this point I'm only 10 pounds away from the heaviest I've ever been, and I know that I will pass it.

I remember all too clearly the embarrassment. The amount of thought that goes into getting dressed and trying to find an outfit that does 'not make me look fat'. The tears, the shame, and the embarrassment.

I vowed never to go there again.

I know...I know. I'm PREGNANT. I am GOING to gain weight....and lose it again in a year or so. I just gained so little with the other 3 I just expected a slow weight gain this time as well.

I guess now that I'm OBVIOUSLY pregos, I want to stay cute and tiny. I don't want to KEEP growing. I wanted so badly to show, and now that I do I just want to hold on to this size until the end.

Fat chance fatso.

Oh well. That is what I get for over indulging a little too much. That is what I get for letting myself go and allowing myself to eat whatever whenever a little too long.

My favorite borrowed pregnancy pants are already too tight....That is what I get. I guess I'll just have to accept it and move on.

A bouncy Ball

I'm DEFINITELY carying a girl. At least I'm carrying like I am.

Big and round.

No wonder my butt was expanding so much.

I'm going to look like a beach ball in September.

Now I look more like a ummmm.... red bouncy ball the kids play with??

Some days I'm o.k with the weight gain. In fact, most days I LOVE the fact that I can eat eat eat. Oh how I love to eat.

Then all of a sudden I wake up and remember how crappy I'll feel in september when I realize just how much of the weight gain is not baby weight.

At least I'll be able to hide in fall winter clothes right??

It's just so final

So. It is final. No more babies for us.
Yes this pregnancy is going along just fine.
My husband had his 'procedure' yesterday.

Why now before the baby is born you ask?
Because he is positive that even if something happened to this one, that he does not want to start over again.
I get that.
I'm in agreement.

It is still so final.
I'm O.K. Just a little melancholy.

I know if something DID happen to this baby, that it would be harder to get over. I could not say to myself...well maybe we'll try again. BUT I know in my heart that I won't want to start over again either. I know that our youngest would be 3 years old before the next baby would be born, and we will want to move on with the 3 kids we already have.

But again....it is so final.

It also amplifies the fact that this is my last. The last time I will grow a little person in my belly. The last time I will breast feed, ect.
The last time I will give birth. Oh wait. That is a good thing ;)

A reminder to enjoy this. Every little bit of it and soak it in.

Well. These things are not 100%...I suppose if the Lord wants us to have a fourth He will make miracles happen to do it no?

That is what I will tell myself for now.

20 Weeks..Half Way Mark

20 weeks and enjoying the fact that my wonderful friend just lent me a HUGE preganncy wardrobe....and on my way out to dinner.

Soaking

I was lying in the bath last night and could not have been more at peace.
Lying there feeling my little baby girl kick and move around in my belly.
Staring at the hard bump at the bottom of my belly, and rubbing it knowing she was just inside.
So hard to believe that she is in there.
Moving.
Growing.
Listening to my sounds.

It makes me sad to know this is the last time I will experience this. But Glad that I am able to soak it all in....and glad I've been given this one last time.

THE Ulrasound!!

So...the BIG ultrasound was today!

After MUCH poking and prodding, and trying to get the little person to FINALLY uncross their legs....It looks like there is a 90% Chance that it is a GIRL!!!

The only view we could get was from under the bum...so we are PRETTY sure it is a girl. But you never know...we could get a surprise come September.

Adam and I have to admit that having another boy would have been 'perfect'. However, I'm sure God has a very good reason why our fourth and last child will be another little girl.

So. Looks like a girl will round out our family. Two girls, a boy, and another girl. Sounds just fine to me ;)

19 Weeks!!!

Oh Happy day! 2 more sleeps until the Ultrasound!

I'm soooooo excited!

19 Weeks.
135 pounds.
15 pounds gained.
Well...I call it now. I'll gain 40 pounds for this pregnancy. That will be a little high for me, but at least I will be able to hide the weight under winter clothes. Come spring 2010 I'll emerge from under my garments like a beautiful butterfly ;)

Anyway...the weight and size of my expanding arse cannot quench my excitement for Friday.



I REALLY think I'm having a little girl, and now I can feel her kick me. I want to know if it is a boy so I don't call him a her for the next 4 months.


I also want to start on his/her blanket and put in my order for cute baby clothes to my clothes shopping sis in law :)

Stay Tuned!!!!

Exciting...Exciting!!!

This friday is my ultrasound. I am super pumped about finding out if I'm having a boy or

a girl. For some reason I feel that THEN, the pregnancy really starts. I want to name him or her, crochet his/her blanket, buy some cute little outfits and figure out where the baby will sleep.

I feel like it will just make it so real. Make him/her feel that much more real.

I wore my super cute green dress to church today for the Easter service. I think all my family and friends are kind of shocked at how big I am. Seriously. For Lara (first), I was this big around 8 months. I am a little concerned just how huge I'll be at the end...but whatever. Floating in a pool for the last month is an option right?

So far I'm just enjoying this so much. I don't want it to end. I want to hold on to every moment knowing this is our last baby. My last baby. My last pregnancy. No tears yet....just more eating and rubbing of belly cream. I'm also determined not to complain about the weight until the end ;)

Random Thought about Nothing really

I have the cleanest van....EVER!!!



Seriously. I love it when I find the energy to do spring chores. When the sun is out and I'm able to tackle the projects that I've been putting off forever. My van unfortunately is always the LAST thing I want to do. It was soooooo gross!!



Poor van. So neglected.



As a mom, I do want to suggest to the car companies that carpet is ridiculous in a mini van. Seriously....vinyl and plastic is good. Just let me take a hose to it and rinse it out.
But no...instead I had to spend 2 hours vacuuming the poor thing.

man children know how to hide food in tiny holes. It is an art really.

17 Week Excitement

17 Weeks...oh 17 Weeks!! I'm happy today. Happy that I feel good, my belly is popped out and I still have a ways to go before this ends.
I love being pregnant. I really...really do.

My dreams this past week have been INSANE!!! Insane as in creepy/disturbing/weird.
So strange that I would NEVER mention what they were about...ever. Not even to my best friend that I can pretty much say anything to. I just don't want to admit that my brain can go there!!!

Really...what is up with that???

Anyway...I'm SUPER looking forward to the ultrasound on APRIL 17TH. I wanna know soooooooooooooo bad what we are having.