I manage a country homestead and the lives of my 4 babies ages 10,8,5 and 3. I LOVE TO RUN and NEED to keep healthy and fit for my SANITY!! Seriously....All problems are solved when I am running.

Making MY health a priority allows me to be the mother and wife that I need to be for them.

Friday, April 24, 2009

It's just so final

So. It is final. No more babies for us.
Yes this pregnancy is going along just fine.
My husband had his 'procedure' yesterday.

Why now before the baby is born you ask?
Because he is positive that even if something happened to this one, that he does not want to start over again.
I get that.
I'm in agreement.

It is still so final.
I'm O.K. Just a little melancholy.

I know if something DID happen to this baby, that it would be harder to get over. I could not say to myself...well maybe we'll try again. BUT I know in my heart that I won't want to start over again either. I know that our youngest would be 3 years old before the next baby would be born, and we will want to move on with the 3 kids we already have.

But again....it is so final.

It also amplifies the fact that this is my last. The last time I will grow a little person in my belly. The last time I will breast feed, ect.
The last time I will give birth. Oh wait. That is a good thing ;)

A reminder to enjoy this. Every little bit of it and soak it in.

Well. These things are not 100%...I suppose if the Lord wants us to have a fourth He will make miracles happen to do it no?

That is what I will tell myself for now.


Erin said...

you mean if the Lord wants you to have a fifth or sixth or..... :)

The Kerr Family said...

I can completely relate to your feelings, I felt the same way when Dylan got fixed. I had to let myself grieve (a little dramatic but the best word I could think of) that I'd never be pregnant again. His is only 98% fixed so there's still a window for God but now that Ella is 3 I know that I'm done and am at total peace with my 2 blessings.

Anonymous said...

It is so final and even when you know it is the right decision.. still hard to see all those cuddly pink newborns and know that won't be you... Gary was so so sure, so I had to trust him on this one.....

We'll just have to work on our adoption plans..

momofthecrazies said...

I can understand how you feel. We're fairly certain we're done at 3, but I'm having a hard time taking any "permanent" steps. I know it's going to be a very tough decision!

By the way, my mom had my brother after she had her tubes tied, so you really never know!

Cathy said...