I had an appointment with the Midwife yesterday.
I love my Midwife.
I KNOW that when it comes time for the birth, that she will know me and what I need, and be there for exactly what I need when the time comes.
So I had a great visit....Except for one part.
I stepped on the scale.
It said 143....HUH?????
When I weighed myself 2 weeks ago the scale said 135!!!
4 pounds every week for the past two weeks?
Oh I really hope it was because I'm bloated and retaining water or something. I hope it is because I've been eating a ton of salt lately, and that in a few days it will go back down.
Because that means at the half way mark I've already gained 23 pounds!!
Not good, because come August I'm not going to be able to move. Not good because come August I'm going to DREAD anyone seeing my bloated face and fat arse. Not good because come September I'm going to have THAT MUCH MORE TO LOSE.
Have I ever mentioned that I HATE to diet???
I HATE the feeling of having tight clothes and pulling my shirts away from my belly when I sit. At this point I'm only 10 pounds away from the heaviest I've ever been, and I know that I will pass it.
I remember all too clearly the embarrassment. The amount of thought that goes into getting dressed and trying to find an outfit that does 'not make me look fat'. The tears, the shame, and the embarrassment.
I vowed never to go there again.
I know...I know. I'm PREGNANT. I am GOING to gain weight....and lose it again in a year or so. I just gained so little with the other 3 I just expected a slow weight gain this time as well.
I guess now that I'm OBVIOUSLY pregos, I want to stay cute and tiny. I don't want to KEEP growing. I wanted so badly to show, and now that I do I just want to hold on to this size until the end.
Fat chance fatso.
Oh well. That is what I get for over indulging a little too much. That is what I get for letting myself go and allowing myself to eat whatever whenever a little too long.
My favorite borrowed pregnancy pants are already too tight....That is what I get. I guess I'll just have to accept it and move on.