I manage a country homestead and the lives of my 4 babies ages 10,8,5 and 3. I LOVE TO RUN and NEED to keep healthy and fit for my SANITY!! Seriously....All problems are solved when I am running.

Making MY health a priority allows me to be the mother and wife that I need to be for them.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

It's all my fault

I had an appointment with the Midwife yesterday.
I love my Midwife.
I KNOW that when it comes time for the birth, that she will know me and what I need, and be there for exactly what I need when the time comes.

So I had a great visit....Except for one part.

I stepped on the scale.

It said 143....HUH?????

When I weighed myself 2 weeks ago the scale said 135!!!

4 pounds every week for the past two weeks?

Oh I really hope it was because I'm bloated and retaining water or something. I hope it is because I've been eating a ton of salt lately, and that in a few days it will go back down.


Because that means at the half way mark I've already gained 23 pounds!!

Not good.

Not good, because come August I'm not going to be able to move. Not good because come August I'm going to DREAD anyone seeing my bloated face and fat arse. Not good because come September I'm going to have THAT MUCH MORE TO LOSE.

Have I ever mentioned that I HATE to diet???

I HATE the feeling of having tight clothes and pulling my shirts away from my belly when I sit. At this point I'm only 10 pounds away from the heaviest I've ever been, and I know that I will pass it.

I remember all too clearly the embarrassment. The amount of thought that goes into getting dressed and trying to find an outfit that does 'not make me look fat'. The tears, the shame, and the embarrassment.

I vowed never to go there again.

I know...I know. I'm PREGNANT. I am GOING to gain weight....and lose it again in a year or so. I just gained so little with the other 3 I just expected a slow weight gain this time as well.

I guess now that I'm OBVIOUSLY pregos, I want to stay cute and tiny. I don't want to KEEP growing. I wanted so badly to show, and now that I do I just want to hold on to this size until the end.

Fat chance fatso.

Oh well. That is what I get for over indulging a little too much. That is what I get for letting myself go and allowing myself to eat whatever whenever a little too long.

My favorite borrowed pregnancy pants are already too tight....That is what I get. I guess I'll just have to accept it and move on.


momofthecrazies said...

I'm sure the last two weeks were just anomalies. You've done a great job at losing your baby weight with the first 3 (yes, I'm jealous!) and I'm sure it will be the same for #4.

Cathy said...

Try not to worry about it now. If you are concerned try to really watch your intake for the last part of the preg.

PS...top of my pregnancy weight was 238 my friend, and I lost all of it and more. You will too. You inspired me to do that. Remember that!

Take care, and enjoy every moment. Truly.

You are so beautiful.

Anonymous said...

Lot of entries regarding weight with this pregnancy?..?.

Try to enjoy the moment of pregnancy-the liberation in not having to care about what the scale says... Avoid stepping on that thing, especially if it will cause you to worry and think already about the future and losing it, etc.

Spoken from a chubby girl who has to pull out her shirt to sit and suck in a little when I walk by strangers, pregnancy is not the time to care about all of that.. love your body, love that you are nourishing a human life in there... and trust that running around with 4 little ones and nursing will take care of the rest..

oh have I told you lately... you really are beautiful and that has nothing to do with how your look physically-you are beautiful because you are kind,generous, encouraging, a good friend, always striving to be better and all around good person!!!

Nancy said...

Seems like one gains a little more (weight) with each pregnancy. You don't want to know how much I gained when pregnant with K. But it came off.