As predicted, I've taken the summer off a regular fitness routine. 5 months of intense training for my marathon was a LOT and I was ready for a little break.
It has been an EXTREMELY hot summer here in Ontario so I'm really o.k with the break. Last year I did the same thing but I made two big mistakes and ended up gaining almost 10 pounds.
1) I didn't watch my diet. I lazed around the pool most days, munching on snacks and ate regular meals.
2) I drank a glass of wine a little too often.
THIS SUMMER I've LOST 7 pounds since my Marathon. How??? I stopped drinking alcohol completely ( Minus one very fun date night...lol) , and I've watched my diet. I'm not 'working out' so I don't need to eat as much. Very simple. I'm eating what I normally eat...just a little less each time I eat.
I've just gone back to my normal weight pre marathon training. (I gain weight when I train). Less training equals a little muscle and water loss.
In the fall, when we get back to a regular routine, and a jog becomes my 'me time' again, I'll firm up a little. I'm just glad I haven't GAINED weight by being lazy.
I'm pretty sure the crazy farm chores I've been doing around here have helped maintain a little muscle and fitness. I understand why farmers are strong...those feed bags are heavy!!! My pipes are pretty big :) I dare you to arm wrestle me.... lol
Anyway....I've also been working HARD at SOUL FITNESS. I've always said that being a Fit Mom has to do with MIND, BODY, and SOUL.
This summer time is SOUL time, and I do feel so incredibly renewed.
Body time can come later. In fact, when my Mind and SOUL are in good shape, my body catches up MUCH FASTER.
Showing posts with label My Disease. Show all posts
Showing posts with label My Disease. Show all posts
Monday, July 30, 2012
Saturday, January 15, 2011
See! Even I have bad days...
I'm having a bad day today. I'm not sure if it is the lack of sleep due to a teething baby and sick kids. Not sure if it is the lack of sun. I'm not sure if it is the fact that I have 2 weeks to feel good in a bathing suit and HATE the way my stomach feels and looks. Not sure. But what I do know is that when I am feeling this way I get verbal about it and get grumpy.
To not be so grumpy and take it out of people I know I need to do something positive. It is so much easier to drink a coffee (for a fake high), or to eat to stuff down those feelings and feel a sense of 'satisfaction'. In fact the urge to eat is really strong right now. So much so that I know eating a healthy portion size is not easy for me....I want to STUFF MY FACE!!!
The SHITTY part is that last night I lost a little self control and ate TWO sandwiches at like 8pm. (I must not have eaten enough during the day) and so this morning I don't WANT to eat. I want to eat really well. I want to shed the last two pounds or so I need to before the cruise. I want to be able to drink smoothies and brown rice (blech) The problem with that? The problem is that when I focus on what I don't want to do, I want to do it even more.
Want to know something crazy? The fact that I was so grumpy was because I had been up since 530am. I also did not eat my crazy amazing morning greens shake and was hungry. So my brain was grumpy. But grumpy brain wants COMFORT food. not vegetables or shakes.
So what did I do???
I ATE. I put together a nice hearty wrap filled with vegetables and drank a big glass of water. I also reluctantly made myself a shake full of lots of good vegetables. Problem solved. Now I have a full belly full of good stuff. I also have the rest of the day to burn it off. I am less grumpy and feel SO much better. I am also losing the urge to eat the REST of the wraps as I write this (distractions are a good thing sometimes).
What to know something ever crazier??
Because I ate during the day and early I will not be starving, my metabolism is revved up, I have energy for my day, my mood is better AND late tonight I will not crave sugar and thus screw up my entire diet. I will also be able to make better choices come an afternoon snack and dinner. Funny eh? Funny how when you eat at regular intervals you have more self control, are happy and healthier.
So there you have it. Reality of a chick trying to eat well and make good choices. Just keeping it real here. It is not always easy for me. In fact when I am tired it is VERY EASY to slip into old patterns. I'm actually typing this right now to stop from making a coffee.
Life...not always easy but it IS possible to triumph...and now I'm going to leave with the kids and go to the library to stop myself from returning to the kitchen.
To not be so grumpy and take it out of people I know I need to do something positive. It is so much easier to drink a coffee (for a fake high), or to eat to stuff down those feelings and feel a sense of 'satisfaction'. In fact the urge to eat is really strong right now. So much so that I know eating a healthy portion size is not easy for me....I want to STUFF MY FACE!!!
The SHITTY part is that last night I lost a little self control and ate TWO sandwiches at like 8pm. (I must not have eaten enough during the day) and so this morning I don't WANT to eat. I want to eat really well. I want to shed the last two pounds or so I need to before the cruise. I want to be able to drink smoothies and brown rice (blech) The problem with that? The problem is that when I focus on what I don't want to do, I want to do it even more.
Want to know something crazy? The fact that I was so grumpy was because I had been up since 530am. I also did not eat my crazy amazing morning greens shake and was hungry. So my brain was grumpy. But grumpy brain wants COMFORT food. not vegetables or shakes.
So what did I do???
I ATE. I put together a nice hearty wrap filled with vegetables and drank a big glass of water. I also reluctantly made myself a shake full of lots of good vegetables. Problem solved. Now I have a full belly full of good stuff. I also have the rest of the day to burn it off. I am less grumpy and feel SO much better. I am also losing the urge to eat the REST of the wraps as I write this (distractions are a good thing sometimes).
What to know something ever crazier??
Because I ate during the day and early I will not be starving, my metabolism is revved up, I have energy for my day, my mood is better AND late tonight I will not crave sugar and thus screw up my entire diet. I will also be able to make better choices come an afternoon snack and dinner. Funny eh? Funny how when you eat at regular intervals you have more self control, are happy and healthier.
So there you have it. Reality of a chick trying to eat well and make good choices. Just keeping it real here. It is not always easy for me. In fact when I am tired it is VERY EASY to slip into old patterns. I'm actually typing this right now to stop from making a coffee.
Life...not always easy but it IS possible to triumph...and now I'm going to leave with the kids and go to the library to stop myself from returning to the kitchen.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Soule Mending
I'm o.k for those of you are sending me messages. I'm just healing my soule. Fitness and being the best Mom I can be for myself, my husband and my kids involves taking care of every aspect of my life.
On that note...
I went to bed last night at 9pm and it was Glorious. It is amazing what rest can do for me.
Alyson
On that note...
I went to bed last night at 9pm and it was Glorious. It is amazing what rest can do for me.
Alyson
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Healing Hurts
Have you ever gone through something so incredibly painful that your heart literally HURTS? Right now my heart feels like it is going to rip in half.
I have spent 20 years pushing something deep down inside. I've used drugs, humour, alcohol, food, anger, achievement and avoidance....Even Running.
I've allowed myself the illusion of control by 'coping'.
It is only now that my life is FORCING me to deal with it.
It hurts but the fact that I am actually feeling something is pretty amazing. I know I need to feel it. I pray I don't have to feel this for too long before I'm able to let it go. All in time I suppose. I'm not ready yet. I'm not at that place of understanding and forgiveness. I know I will get there but not today.
I know that God has better plans for my life. I know that he wants me to be free of this. The scary part is that I don't know any better. I am afraid to let go and see the person I can be without this 'thing' that holds me.
I am optimistic that I will be just fine. It just sucks that I have to deal with it in the first place.
I have spent 20 years pushing something deep down inside. I've used drugs, humour, alcohol, food, anger, achievement and avoidance....Even Running.
I've allowed myself the illusion of control by 'coping'.
It is only now that my life is FORCING me to deal with it.
It hurts but the fact that I am actually feeling something is pretty amazing. I know I need to feel it. I pray I don't have to feel this for too long before I'm able to let it go. All in time I suppose. I'm not ready yet. I'm not at that place of understanding and forgiveness. I know I will get there but not today.
I know that God has better plans for my life. I know that he wants me to be free of this. The scary part is that I don't know any better. I am afraid to let go and see the person I can be without this 'thing' that holds me.
I am optimistic that I will be just fine. It just sucks that I have to deal with it in the first place.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Inspirational People
I just did an On-line interview with Annett Davis, an Olympian Beach Volleyball player and Christian Homeschooling mama. It was so weird. Weird because she reads MY BLOG. SHE is inspired by ME!!
(The interview will be posted to her site sometime in late November. I'll link up then.)
What I love about blogging is that here I can say anything I want. I can just be real and be me. This blog started off as a weight loss record when I was pregnant with my third child. Now I use it to share the Fit Mom part of me. This is my space to share a piece of me that I am passionate about. I do it for myself sometimes, and other times I do it to share with other moms how I do things and what works for me.
What I never expected to find was that MY STORY... MY personal journey and struggles would actually help someone else in THEIR journey. Speaking with Annett has given ME inspiration. It has given me a boost to continue my fitness walk in Mind, Body, and Spirit.
More than ANYTHING however, it has encouraged me to share my story and my struggles. It is VERY difficult to share with THE WORLD about a part of me that is so Dark that I sometimes don't want to face it. A part of me that I deal with on a daily basis. But it is me, and if sharing my Story inspires or gives encouragement to just ONE PERSON, than perhaps it is worth it.
So thank you Annett for giving me the courage to CONTINUE sharing my story. If anything, YOU have inspired me today.....and maybe .....Just MAYBE inspired me enough to start weight training...MAYBE ;)
(The interview will be posted to her site sometime in late November. I'll link up then.)
What I love about blogging is that here I can say anything I want. I can just be real and be me. This blog started off as a weight loss record when I was pregnant with my third child. Now I use it to share the Fit Mom part of me. This is my space to share a piece of me that I am passionate about. I do it for myself sometimes, and other times I do it to share with other moms how I do things and what works for me.
What I never expected to find was that MY STORY... MY personal journey and struggles would actually help someone else in THEIR journey. Speaking with Annett has given ME inspiration. It has given me a boost to continue my fitness walk in Mind, Body, and Spirit.
More than ANYTHING however, it has encouraged me to share my story and my struggles. It is VERY difficult to share with THE WORLD about a part of me that is so Dark that I sometimes don't want to face it. A part of me that I deal with on a daily basis. But it is me, and if sharing my Story inspires or gives encouragement to just ONE PERSON, than perhaps it is worth it.
So thank you Annett for giving me the courage to CONTINUE sharing my story. If anything, YOU have inspired me today.....and maybe .....Just MAYBE inspired me enough to start weight training...MAYBE ;)
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Life Controlling Issues
Here is another video posted by my friend Shan Larter. Here she gives some incredible insights into Eating Disorder recovery. I truly feel that her ideas and messages can be applied to
ANYONE WHO SUFFERS FROM A LIFE CONTROLLING ISSUE....Alcoholics,Drug addicts, people who suffer from Bipolar Depression and have coping mechanisms that are preventing their recovery. Frankly EVERYONE who uses ANYTHING to avoid emotional issues.
ANYONE WHO SUFFERS FROM A LIFE CONTROLLING ISSUE....Alcoholics,Drug addicts, people who suffer from Bipolar Depression and have coping mechanisms that are preventing their recovery. Frankly EVERYONE who uses ANYTHING to avoid emotional issues.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
How Easy It is.....
I went for another run last night. I must be coming out of my rut because that is two whole runs in a week! Sad but true.
I figure if I don't want to start having knee problems again I really should run more than just on race day ;)
As you all know by now I do a lot of thinking when I run. I think it is the blood flow or something.
Anyway, as I easily ran up hill with the wind at my back (thank you God for the help) I couldn't help but notice that running 30mins was easy for me.
My thoughts turned to the first time I ran. The first time after taking a long break from running, and the first time pretty much doing anything new. I can remember how difficult it was. What I could not remember was when it all started to feel better? When did I start to feel better? At what point did I become a runner? When did I recover from my eating disorder and how?
In other words....How do we go from There....to Here? From Then....to Now? And HOW do we change???
The answer???? MY ANSWER???
One step at a time. One decision after another.
I became a runner just as easily as I became lazy. I become depressed and sick just as easily as I become happy and joyful again. I get fat just as easy as lose weight.
One day of skipping a run, one more glass of wine then I should.....another night of eating a sandwich before bed.....and so on it goes.
I find it amazing how I slip in and out of health.
For ME, the saying holds true.... "Don't let the Devil get a foothold in your life". I get that . I get that almost every day as I fight off my addictions. I get that in my physical life, marriage, personal life and spiritual walk.
That is also why I don't freak out. That is how I stay motivated to just keep going. That is how I stop beating myself up over mistakes made and I just start over again. I don't look at next year. I look at tomorrow knowing that every decision I make will matter. Every step counts. I still want to run my marathon but will focus only on tomorrow. I no longer make promises because I know how easy it is to slip up and disappoint myself.
That is also why when you tell me that you could 'Never be a runner', I just smile ;)
I figure if I don't want to start having knee problems again I really should run more than just on race day ;)
As you all know by now I do a lot of thinking when I run. I think it is the blood flow or something.
Anyway, as I easily ran up hill with the wind at my back (thank you God for the help) I couldn't help but notice that running 30mins was easy for me.
My thoughts turned to the first time I ran. The first time after taking a long break from running, and the first time pretty much doing anything new. I can remember how difficult it was. What I could not remember was when it all started to feel better? When did I start to feel better? At what point did I become a runner? When did I recover from my eating disorder and how?
In other words....How do we go from There....to Here? From Then....to Now? And HOW do we change???
The answer???? MY ANSWER???
One step at a time. One decision after another.
I became a runner just as easily as I became lazy. I become depressed and sick just as easily as I become happy and joyful again. I get fat just as easy as lose weight.
One day of skipping a run, one more glass of wine then I should.....another night of eating a sandwich before bed.....and so on it goes.
I find it amazing how I slip in and out of health.
For ME, the saying holds true.... "Don't let the Devil get a foothold in your life". I get that . I get that almost every day as I fight off my addictions. I get that in my physical life, marriage, personal life and spiritual walk.
That is also why I don't freak out. That is how I stay motivated to just keep going. That is how I stop beating myself up over mistakes made and I just start over again. I don't look at next year. I look at tomorrow knowing that every decision I make will matter. Every step counts. I still want to run my marathon but will focus only on tomorrow. I no longer make promises because I know how easy it is to slip up and disappoint myself.
That is also why when you tell me that you could 'Never be a runner', I just smile ;)
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Son-Shine
I love it when the sun shines in the Valley.
My days will always be complicated. They will always be a struggle. But right now the sun is shining in my Valley.
The sermon at church on Sunday spoke about Valleys and Mountains. It explained that we MUST go through the Valley's in order to grow in our faith. There is not much need for God when we are standing on a Mountain.
I get that. I get that all too well.
As long as I feel the Sun on my face every once in a while I can find the strength to carry on.
I can do this....
My days will always be complicated. They will always be a struggle. But right now the sun is shining in my Valley.
The sermon at church on Sunday spoke about Valleys and Mountains. It explained that we MUST go through the Valley's in order to grow in our faith. There is not much need for God when we are standing on a Mountain.
I get that. I get that all too well.
As long as I feel the Sun on my face every once in a while I can find the strength to carry on.
I can do this....
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Fighting
Things are looking up. For today anyway. The darkness is lifting and I am able to enjoy simple moments in my daily life again.
In case you are wondering, no I will not name the disease I have. I'm not ready. I feel like doing so gives it power over me. It becomes too real and I become IT. I don't want to give it that much power.
I am learning to deal with it though. I am learning that pretending it does not exist also gives it power. I am taking my life back. In order to recover and succeed in life I need to talk about it. I need to let the people in my life know that I am not o.k and there are certain things I just cannot do sometimes. I need to set limits and be o.k with that.
I have been trying to pretend that I am the person I used to be for too long. I've been doing it so long that I have drained all my strength. I need to realize that it is o.k for me to say no. It is o.k that I have limits. It is o.k to be me. I am NOT, nor will I be the person I think I SHOULD be. And that is O.K.
I am who I am, and I need to become o.K with that and deal with it. I can no longer pretend or I'm afraid I will have nothing left of worth to give to anyone.
I'm not saying that I am going to stop fighting 'IT' . I am not saying that I am going to lie down and die. The opposite is true. I am getting the help I need, and I am freeing myself of the burden of pretending it is not there. I am being realistic about my situation. I AM fighting it, but pretending it does not exist is not the way to go.
Everyday is a battle inside of me. I have to fight EVERYDAY. That will never go away....It's just that sometimes I will have bad days and will not be able to dig deep enough. That is when I need you to be understanding and to lift me up. I will NEED your prayers and your love.
And I need to be o.k with being so vulnerable.
In case you are wondering, no I will not name the disease I have. I'm not ready. I feel like doing so gives it power over me. It becomes too real and I become IT. I don't want to give it that much power.
I am learning to deal with it though. I am learning that pretending it does not exist also gives it power. I am taking my life back. In order to recover and succeed in life I need to talk about it. I need to let the people in my life know that I am not o.k and there are certain things I just cannot do sometimes. I need to set limits and be o.k with that.
I have been trying to pretend that I am the person I used to be for too long. I've been doing it so long that I have drained all my strength. I need to realize that it is o.k for me to say no. It is o.k that I have limits. It is o.k to be me. I am NOT, nor will I be the person I think I SHOULD be. And that is O.K.
I am who I am, and I need to become o.K with that and deal with it. I can no longer pretend or I'm afraid I will have nothing left of worth to give to anyone.
I'm not saying that I am going to stop fighting 'IT' . I am not saying that I am going to lie down and die. The opposite is true. I am getting the help I need, and I am freeing myself of the burden of pretending it is not there. I am being realistic about my situation. I AM fighting it, but pretending it does not exist is not the way to go.
Everyday is a battle inside of me. I have to fight EVERYDAY. That will never go away....It's just that sometimes I will have bad days and will not be able to dig deep enough. That is when I need you to be understanding and to lift me up. I will NEED your prayers and your love.
And I need to be o.k with being so vulnerable.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Fit Mind Body and Soul
Fitness is more than just physical fitness. Fitness for me certainly also involves my mind body and soul. I can look great on the outside but if I'm rotting inside my outside appearance matters very little. Sometimes when I'm having a bad day I can look in the mirror and see the sadness. I see the disappointment, the exhaustion and the grief.
My body is back into my size 4 jeans. I can walk into my closet and put together an outfit without worrying if I 'look fat'. The frustration of pulling on a pair of pants and seeing a muffin top or wondering how much I'll spill over when I sit down is just not there anymore. I've said it before that being smaller is freeing. I don't stand in the mirror and admire my body. I just don't stand in the mirror anymore. My body is now a NON ISSUE and that is a nice place to be. Don't get me wrong,I've talked about skinny chicks not necessarily looking great naked. I'm not talking about what I look like naked because that is another issue ;). I'm just talking about body image and appearance.
My point is that to most of the world I look alright. I can put on my skinny jeans, do my hair and put on makeup and appear like I've got it together.
But on the inside I have a disease that is rotting me from the inside out and I have been hiding it for a very very long time. This past year has been painful and fighting it has taken everything out of me and I just don't have anything left. There only a VERY few close to me that know the story. That know what I struggle with on a daily basis. I am getting closer to sharing the truth with the world but for right now you need to be content with my baby steps.
I've been trying to fight it but I am at the point where I need to make some serious life changes in order to continue on. I NEED to become well again. I'm not sure exactly what I need to do in order to achieve this, but I think being honest is the first step.
My body is back into my size 4 jeans. I can walk into my closet and put together an outfit without worrying if I 'look fat'. The frustration of pulling on a pair of pants and seeing a muffin top or wondering how much I'll spill over when I sit down is just not there anymore. I've said it before that being smaller is freeing. I don't stand in the mirror and admire my body. I just don't stand in the mirror anymore. My body is now a NON ISSUE and that is a nice place to be. Don't get me wrong,I've talked about skinny chicks not necessarily looking great naked. I'm not talking about what I look like naked because that is another issue ;). I'm just talking about body image and appearance.
My point is that to most of the world I look alright. I can put on my skinny jeans, do my hair and put on makeup and appear like I've got it together.
But on the inside I have a disease that is rotting me from the inside out and I have been hiding it for a very very long time. This past year has been painful and fighting it has taken everything out of me and I just don't have anything left. There only a VERY few close to me that know the story. That know what I struggle with on a daily basis. I am getting closer to sharing the truth with the world but for right now you need to be content with my baby steps.
I've been trying to fight it but I am at the point where I need to make some serious life changes in order to continue on. I NEED to become well again. I'm not sure exactly what I need to do in order to achieve this, but I think being honest is the first step.
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