I manage a country homestead and the lives of my 4 babies ages 10,8,5 and 3. I LOVE TO RUN and NEED to keep healthy and fit for my SANITY!! Seriously....All problems are solved when I am running.

Making MY health a priority allows me to be the mother and wife that I need to be for them.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Last Nights Horror

I have something to admit.

I HATED being at the Y for my run last night.

It was TERRIBLE.

Not the run, but all the emotions that I felt.

I'll go through them quickly for you....

* Look at all the young girls...wow I'm not young anymore
* Look at the short shorts they are wearing. I just switched to knee length pants. I hate my body
* I wasted so much time as a teenager hating my body. If only I realized what it would look like now.
* Wow look at my belly fat in the mirror. I don't look pregnant at all. I just look chubby.
* I hate that everyone is staring at me as I run around in circles.
* I miss my best friend that I worked out with years ago.
* I miss my best friends
* After I have the baby I'm going to hate being fat
* I'm old......

O.K so it goes on and on but you get the idea.

The good thing is that despite all my negative feelings I STILL ran around the treadmills on the track for 30 mins... and know I am better for it.

I forgot how it feels to be uncomfortable in your own skin and try to go to a gym. I forgot how I USED to feel. When I would only run at night with long clothes on so no one would pay attention to my body. I forgot how hard it was to get out the door. I forgot about all the years I would just hide inside, afraid for anyone to see me.

I'm So glad that I had forgotten, but it was hard to be reminded.

Instead of dreading next weeks run, I am going to look at it this way.....

The more I take care of myself, the less time I will have to spend in this 'transition' mode. The less time I will care too much about WHAT IS NOT IMPORTANT, and FOCUS on what IS important. My health.....both physically and mentally.

1 comment:

Nancy said...

1. You are not old.
2. Remember your other pregnancies? Remember how at this stage (around 3 mo.) you don't look pregnant as much as just chubby and chunky?? I sure remember that from mine. Except that for me it was thru most of the pregnancy. . .
3. Your body will one day be back to normal and you will be slim and strong. Really.